Part Three: Before You Say, “I do”, Three Key Questions Must Be Answered

Built for the Storm: Are they Steadfast in Hard Times?

We’ve examined whether they are genuinely "all-in" on their faith and whether they demonstrate a servant heart. But theory and ordinary days are easy when compared with the third true test of a relationship: when life implodes. Do they demonstrate stick-to-it-iveness during trying times in their own life? 

The Bible uses the word steadfastness, or patient endurance. Are they willing to stand firm in their faith, develop resilience, and remain committed to God’s path no matter what storms or uncertainties rage against their lives? Can they count it all joy when trials hit? The Greek words for "trying" and "patience" in James 1:4 paint the picture that we can count all trials a joy because we are to KNOW that the testing of our trustworthiness finishes its work by reminding us, causing us to remember what Christ has done for us, and will continue to do on our behalf.

Even in the middle of our worst nightmare, we must remind ourselves to be grateful for the vital lessons trials teach if we have the eyes to see and the ears to hear what He says to us in His word and through our quiet time with Christ. His goal in developing our patience? Our Oneness in Him. Our "completeness" in our mentality, our work, our moral character, and in every part of us, leaving nothing the same. Christ designed us to be resilient so we can do even greater things than Him.

Paul explains life like this, “Do not be surprised at the fiery trial that has come upon you, as though something strange were happening to you (See 1 Peter 4:12). We tend to view trials and problems as an interference, something to be avoided at all costs. God’s word says that when you pass through the waters or walk through the fire, you can trust you won’t be consumed but will grow through trials (See Is. 43:2). We are grown in and through trials.

Life is hard. We need resilience. Our partner must also be willing to develop the ability to ride out hard times. You will face things you never saw coming in a million years. Choose your walking partner wisely. Wisdom requires relying on Christ and His word for what to stand on, what to look for in a husband or wife, and how to resolve issues and conflicts.

Ask yourself: What is the hardest situation they have ever walked through? How did they handle the stress, pressure, and fearful thoughts? How did they treat and speak to others during this rough time? What did they turn to first? What did they divulge to you? How did they respond to your questions, concerns, or fears expressed? 

Do they include you in decision-making, or exclude you? Do they value your guidance or advice? What about the hardest thing you went through- how did they handle it? How did they support you, come alongside you, or help you through it? If your worst life experience was before your current relationship, how did they respond when the facts were revealed? Are you still concealing the truth of your past? Most importantly, do they point you to Christ?

Both of you are “works-in-progress” in your walk with Christ. Two imperfect people, figuring out how to love as Christ loves and to walk together in marriage as He designed. Choose wisely. Life is unpredictable, so your other married-half wanders through the unknown with you. Make sure both of you keep Christ at the center of your wanderings; otherwise, you will split apart, each looking for solace through the storm in your own way.

You are choosing a partner to rely on when your world implodes, to help you develop the map you need to navigate to the other side, and to follow it to the intended destination. This is perseverance in practice. You are learning to do this with Christ at the center of your marital unit - always. Learn to stand firm in Christ because life is full of unexpected twists and turns - like cancer.

Yes, after 23 years of unexplained pain and compromised health, cancer exploded onto the scene. This past December, I was diagnosed with three types of stage 4 cancer - brain, lung, and spine. Over the past ten years, I made little but steady progress in my original diagnoses, symptoms, and functionality. I removed all medications I relied upon daily, including pain medication. During this same period, the Lord led me to write 4 books and some blogs, and sent us multiple couples to mentor in preparation for marriage. I even married one of our couples! The Lord truly works in mysterious ways.

Now, cancer, and my return to the medical merry-go-round. See, you can never predict what life will throw at your marriage. Let me repeat - choose your spouse wisely.  I was diagnosed about a week before Christmas. The brain and lungs were the two areas of most pressing concern. 

My brain scan showed two eye-poppingly large tumors along with a myriad of tiny dots of cancer scattered throughout my brain. She said they stopped counting the cancer spots after they got to forty. My lung scan showed a partial collapse and curling of one lung with polyp-like attachments all inside both lungs. Non-smoking lung cancer, they said. The partial lung collapse was the source of my voice sounding like a hoarse whisper. For my doctors, these were the two areas of greater concern. 

The radiation treatment plan started on December 26, 2025. Yep, the holiday season. My parents left for a cruise, so we told them after they returned. We told our adult children the diagnosis after my son’s birthday in January. It was gut-wrenching.  My whole family's reaction - stunned! Everyone was speechless. My oldest brother expressed what they each quietly confirmed: “Hasn’t she suffered enough, Lord?”

My own reaction surprised me. I heard the doctor’s words, but no emotion registered. No pang of pain shot through me or a negative response. My first thought: Hmmm, that was unexpected. It most certainly was! Especially after the Lord, for the first time, told me I would be healed, as in fully restored. A prophetic friend said it as well - before the cancer diagnosis. You never know what life will throw at you. The Lord walks with us, forming us into who He needs us to be to fulfill His purposes within and through us.

The news crushed Al. At the initial words, he kept it together fairly well, but eventually left the doctor’s office, crying his first tears alone in the hospital. His body bore the brunt of the shock. His sense of anxiety skyrocketed. His heart rate and blood pressure increased. His hands started shaking all the time as if he had Parkinson's disease. He was down in the dumps for a good week.

The thoughts of losing me danced continuously through his mind. Then, he regrouped, drawing strength from the Lord and from me. He was further strengthened by the targeted radiation plan and the 80% success rate of the medication for my genetic mutation. Al stepped up to the plate- again.

He continues driving me to most medical appointments. I stopped driving altogether during the radiation treatments. Not just because of the treatment effects, but because of the weird lighted shapes that spun and swirled in front of my eyes due to interference from the brain cancer. Your spouse walks life with you - literally. We were both impacted. What happens to one impacts the other.

A spouse is a choice. The most important choice we will ever make. As Al says to the couples we mentor, ask yourself: Is this the person who will wipe your butt for you? It might make you laugh, but isn’t this what it boils down to? None of us know what life will throw at us. Isn’t that why Paul said, Why are you surprised at the fiery trials, as if something strange were happening to you? 

Finding the person you want to marry isn’t the end of your questions and consideration; it’s just the beginning. Every believer is directed to carry their cross. We are to have faith that God’s purpose will be fulfilled in and through our lives. Following Christ requires shedding our self while renewing our minds in His word and in His ways. In marriage, we do this together, helping each other heal, repair, and build or rebuild. 

Take time to discuss what you believe and why you believe it. The only firm foundation upon which to build a marriage and to raise children is Christ’s way. Two people can’t walk together without agreement. Agree on Christ. Agree on His word. Agree on Christ's view of marriage. It's easy to lie and say yes to someone's questions to shut down or outright avoid a conversation.

Behavior patterns have a not-so-funny way of "speaking" louder than our lies or avoidance words, so pay attention to whether their actions regularly contradict their words. Our actions should reinforce and reflect our words and thoughts. God’s blueprint for marriage mirrors His relationship with His body of believers: male and female, taking dominion together, reflecting Christ through our complete submission to Him, serving one another wholeheartedly, and remaining steadfast in all we think, say, and do while standing on His Word.  

Leave your feelings at the door and seek Christ first for the next steps in your relationship. Are you ready to find out? If so, we created a Covenant Readiness Assessment for just this reason: CLICK HERE: (https://www.sexisgodsideaworkbook.com/covenant-readiness

Choose wisely.