Pigtails and Providential Precursors

Have you ever wondered if your childhood passions, interests and/or talents are just passing fancies or part of our Divine design? Where in the world did that question come from, you ask? Well, it started with some connections and a challenge.

Here's my premise: My omniscient God knew me before I was born, gave me spiritual gifts and a purpose for His glory. He knew everything I would ever do, say, think or need to keep me moving towards His purpose for my life. This life, our lived experience, is His training ground to mature the fruit of the Spirit and to pull out of us the characteristics and traits we need to fulfill our purpose.

Right now, I am writing my memoirs and I can indelibly see His fingerprint on my life. I can see how He weaved almost every desire, interest, suffering, trial, job, relationship and skill set to endure the previous season and arrive at this new season in my life. So, will my interests, passions and/or talents as a child also provide a glimpse into that Divine design and plan?

Connections: My morning devotional time initially spurred this line of inquiry. A Bible verse made me laugh out loud because it was the perfect description of a recent news story. "I did it again," I thought, as my mind tumbled through numerous snapshot images of the many other times I noticed both distortions of, or illustrations of, scriptures or principles of the Bible, played out in politics, movies, TV shows or songs. These images jogged loose long ago memories rising like bubbles to the surface of my consciousness. Like a lightbulb flash, one of those round globes popped and the face of a childhood favorite dropped into my mind’s eye. We’ll get to her shortly.

The Challenge: Recently, I participated in an online challenge where the guest speaker encouraged us to ask the Lord. "What is my name, What is the name You chose for me." I've prayed for my purpose and for direction but never anything like that question. Well, I did it, I accepted the gauntlet she threw down. You know what I heard Him say? Chainbreaker! I am a breaker of chains! I am to help others do and be the same. What! The combination of these events and thoughts crashed together and tantalized me!

What a wonderful thought to explore, “Did my childhood interests function as a precursor for my future purpose?” I’m having fun now! My wheels are spinning, thoughts rumbling through my mind, causing me to feel compelled to capture them before I lost the flow. Who is that girl in the above photograph? Orphan, troublemaker, red hair - any thoughts popping? Well, don’t be too sure of yourself, yet!

What if I said sea captain, super strong and never wants to grow up? Last clue, unbelievable pigtails? Pippi Longstocking! Yes, I know I'm dating myself by this reference. Do you remember the freckled faced, precocious, orphaned little girl with the unbelievable orangish-red braids brandished at a gravity defying angle? How strange to think back on this character and try to capture, what was it about Pippi that captivated my young heart?

It was her plainness quite honestly! Well, the pigtails grabbed my eyeballs but I saw me, a skinny, scrawny, plain little girl. However, Pippi also captured my wildest imaginations because she brimmed with qualities I yearned to believe were true about me! Feelings buried deep within my soul such as that “devil-may-care what others think” attitude, clever, smart, independent, busting-with-guts-bravado kind of girl! I dreamed, my own Pippi adventures for nights on end! The girl who could do anything; she owned a horse and a monkey, to boot! How I wanted to see myself, as gutsy as, and as brave as, my iconic red headed kid-wonder!

Next, I brainstormed my name, Chainbreaker. A breaker of chains represents loosing captives or something bound set free. To reach a captive or unshackle someone requires wisdom, strategy, resolve, fortitude, bravery, courage, self-sacrifice and help. Pippi exhibited many of those qualities. She believed in her ability to figure anything out, and assertive enough to dive headlong into whatever was confronting a friend.

Pippi was always trying to help someone out, maybe a bit selfishly at times, and mishaps inevitably followed, but in her heart, she just wanted to “right the wrong” and it didn't seem to matter if the task seemed impossible. To me, this is a hero mindset, someone who steps up or steps in for another, an action taker, a solution seeker, a fighter against the odds and standing for what is right or just.

I was drawn to hundreds of other characters, like her, portrayed in some of my favorite books, comic books and movies I devoured throughout my young life: Robin Hood, Peter Pan, Isis, Batman, Wonder Woman, Red Sonja, Black Canary, Sherlock Holmes, Bond...James Bond, Dutch (from Predator) and Ripley (Aliens) to name a few. These fictionalized or “hollywood-ized” heroes are almost always filled with uncommon courage, defying the odds, prevailing against an arch nemesis, unstoppable and unflappable and always ready with a pithy answer- Bruce Willis comes to mind.

Trust me, I’m not robbing the rich to feed the poor, I’m not facing certain death or outwitting criminal masterminds but never fear, Holy Spirit is near, to impart some interesting insights. What daring feats could I say I tackled? Will I find some of these character traits weaved through my younger self? Certainly, such enigmatic words used of on-screen characters were never my self-descriptors but I pursued the flow of thoughts.

My mind backflips into my youthful playtimes and pastimes, and an odd mixture of memories rush in like a flood. How I ignored all the dolls my mom bought except two because they “did something,” Skipper Grow up barbie and the barbie whose hair would twist from blonde to brunette. I wanted to play with cool match box cars and the dazzling loop-da-loop tracks with my brother. I loved to rough and tumble. I loved adventure and to explore. I loved to read and learn.

I sought out the loner or those who didn’t seem to know anyone or feel like they fit in. I remember the strong compulsion to help anyone I felt capable of being in a position to help. Suddenly, I’m transported back into time to when I was a teenager. I‘m at a restaurant with my family and I saw a girl around my age with her head hanging down, looking miserable as she sat alone in a booth. My heart broke for her. She deserved to be cheered up. Feeling actually compelled, I walked across the restaurant, sat across from her, introduced myself and struck up a conversation; together we found something to smile and laugh about.

My memory reel flashes forward to a passion, burgeoned during high school, to help abused children which later led to volunteering as a guardian ad Litem (you represent the best interests of a child to the judge in contentious divorces and/or cases with abuse allegations), and even later, led to my first job out of law school which was advocacy work for children, teens and adults of domestic violence. Only in my early 20’s, I conducted educational seminars in our juvenile detention center, most school grades, half-way houses and male inmates in jail for domestic violence. I trained police chiefs, probation officers, nurses and doctors.

My almost life-long fascination and scholarly exploration of all things Africa, propelled me to fulfill the dream, travelling by myself, across the globe, to Kenya for an abroad program the summer before I graduated law school. I was chased by a hippo, threatened by a bull elephant, almost died doing the rapids of one of the top 5 rivers in the world and swan-dived the longest bungee drop in the world.

A picture is forming in my brain. I realize for as shy and introverted as I tended to be, I was still a risk taker. Pursuing and accomplishing goals takes discipline, planning and focus which is all well and good but does that amount to the larger than life heroic-type traits of the icons of my youth? When did I have to fight the odds or leap over building-size enemies? What obstacles have I tackled?

My psyche is in overdrive as I dig deeper. In my early 30’s, I opened a law firm and was positioned to merge with another solo practitioner, upon her proximate retirement. I've spent close to two decades struggling with severe pain and fatigue from an unexplainable physical illness. I relentlessly pursued understanding and explanation for this solution eluding-nemesis at almost all cost, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I wasn’t even sure I would survive this health crisis.

Homeschooling my children when I had never once considered it an option and to begin when I was still so gravely suffering and exhausted. I endured a cervical fusion, the long recovery from the surgery and the even longer journey to gain quality of life. I survived the walloping smack down of withdrawal from narcotics and I had to close the law firm and walk away from the practice of law altogether. Those years felt like a relentless, daily, full frontal attack.

My mind leap-frogged to right now. The Lord has called me a Chainbreaker. He handed me seemingly insurmountable tasks for a vision that certainly feels and looks bigger than life through my eyes. He showed me a large, grand vision of speaking and writing. I did lots of speaking for my jobs, but to be on stages, talking spiritual stuff - not on my radar.

I’d never viewed myself as a writer or a speaker. I love to write, and I loved conducting presentations and seminars but I certainly never believed it was a skill or gift I possessed. Christ told me my writing would be a tool. Currently, He has me not only writing my memoirs but I’m helping others write theirs as well. I don’t even know what I’m doing but I’m hitting it head on, tackling my weaknesses, gaps in knowledge and wrestling my demons of doubt, insecurity and imposter syndrome through and with Him.

Sigh! The hero-heart of Pippi does beat within me! Maybe all those action heros were designed to keep me focused on the fighter within, the warrior that is needed to stand with Christ. Looking back on my own “giants” slain, I have shown guts and bravado. I can see the Chainbreaker within. I see that thread weaving through the tapestry of my childhood. Christ has been, and continues to strengthen me and to develop dauntless character traits in me.

He prepared the building blocks necessary for me to reach this next and new stage in my life; to implement the vision He gave me to help people see the power of Christ, break off their past shackles and set them free onto the divinely designed purpose and path for their life. Yeah, I know, it is a really BIG vision to step towards.

Luckily, my "secret" identity lies with Christ and how He sees me and my life. I’ll probably never feel ready or equipped to face the unfathomable but I am always to be battle-ready as a Divine-partaker of Christ. Christ told every believer the same - you will do even greater things than me! Do you believe that? I do.

What say you, passing fancies or Providential design?

“‘He’s the strongest man in the world.’ ‘Man, yes, said Pippi, but I am the strongest girl in the world, remember that.’” - Pippi Longstocking